Goodbye 2016. You mad bastard.

new-year

We all agree that 2016 was a bad year. The celebrity deaths, Brexit, Trump, the economy, cyber-attacks, post truth, more war. There’s not much more to say.

Except that we have to deal with the aftermath.

Also known as 2017.

Job number one is a ban on anyone voting for anything. Just to give us chance to get used to all the mad stuff we’ve done, before we set in motion all sorts of other nonsense we don’t understand.

It would be a start.

But we can’t ignore the mess that’s been created, and we have to live with the fact that David Bowie, Victoria Wood, Leonard Cohen, and Ronnie Corbett aren’t around to help us make sense of it.

So what other practical things can we do?

Well…

Bear with me, because I know we’re all on high alert for ‘news’ that has a rocky relationship with it’s sometime friend ‘facts’, but an implausible sounding story was reported by all my trusted sources in the run up to the new year.

My trusted sources being The Guardian newspaper, and an off-the-cuff mention in passing by David Attenborough.

Apparently (and when I say apparently, I immediately believe my own story a little less, but let’s go with it…) an extra second was added to the end of 2016 for reasons that I didn’t investigate far enough to understand.

I’m not sure by whom, and I’m not sure for what reason, but it happened. And it got me thinking.

If we have the technology to fast-forward time like that, I’m going to go ahead and assume that we can do other things with time.

Like rewind it.

And if we can rewind it, why not spin it back a whole twelve months? Just unravel the whole sorry shower and have another crack at 2016? Maybe some different people can play the part of the grown ups?

We could all club together and book our favourite artists into a Bupa hospital for a premium MOT health check diagnostic, and perhaps stave off one or two deaths.

We could vote to stay in the EU.

We could boycott Amazon, Starbucks, Apple, and all the other mega corporations who dodge paying their share of tax while the rest of us foot the bill for public services.

Our friends in America could pick Hilary as President. Hell, they could even take the radical option and select an actual human being for the job. Bernie Sanders, for example.

We could, in short, MAKE 2016 GREAT AGAIN!

Except for one small problem.

No, not the rewinding time bit. The logic checks out on that. Trust me.

The problem is that the only way we can make decisions is by voting for them. And we can’t be trusted. Even if we agreed to have a second go at 2016, and even with the benefit of hindsight, and even with the scientific evidence that society is 39% more buggered than it was at the end of 2015, we’d still do stupid stuff.

We might even do stupider stuff.

Perhaps we’d get things SO wrong that we’d look back at 2016 1.0 as a happy, innocent time, where all we had to worry about was the narcissistic psychopath heading for the White House and the slow crumbling erosion of our collective moral compass.

Maybe we should be careful what we wish for.

Scrap the plan.

Lets crack on with 2017 and keep our fingers crossed, but let’s try not to refer to it as ‘the aftermath’ too often, because that’s not going to help.

Good luck.

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9 comments

  1. Hilarious read mate. Completely agree with you on the point that humans just can’t be trusted even if we did manage to go back 12 months. Who knows, they might vote for the UK to join the US with Trump as the life-long president

    Liked by 1 person

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